How to crash at the Nürburgring
Updated: Mar 12
OK, so you’re off to the Nürburgring. Your Sparco boots are packed, your Raybans are clean and your M3 has all the right stickers freshly applied in all the right places. YouTube has long since given up on serving you any suggestions of videos that don’t contain the ‘ring and you’ve played Forza 6 so much that you’re worried that when you get to the circuit it will be so familiar to you that it won’t feel that special or exciting at all.
Well, the one way you can make it extremely exciting is to crash. You don’t get the full experience in a computer game; the G forces, injuries, and long-lasting financial damage when you realise your insurance company doesn’t cover the ring just cannot be simulated. This obviously sounds bad, however it’s a very popular way to cap off a weekend at the ring. On a busy day, fifty or more people will do it so there must be something in it.
With this in mind, we thought that we would put together a list of things that you can do to help you crash.
This one is for people who aren’t sure whether crashing is their thing and so just leave it to chance. The options here can include your brakes to fade catastrophically into Wehseifen, drive through an all-too-common oil spill sending you straight to the Armco or be hit by someone driving forcefully. Speaking of which…
There’s an awful lot of testosterone at the ‘ring, so rise to the challenge. Are you a man or a mouse? There’s that 8 minute bridge to gantry time which you weren’t able to hit last time you were there because of traffic and how can you call yourself a man and hold your head up high in this crowd if you don’t get it this time? Traffic isn’t going to get in your way this time 5mm between you and the Volvo that politely pulled out of your way early is more than enough and if they panic or do something unpredictable because they’re not as good a driver as you? Well, the accident will be their fault and you’ll be well within your rights to shout at them.
Push the limits
I know, I know. Your driving boots give you +5 driving skill, you can really feel the pedals making your heel and toeing spectacularly smooth, but everyone has their limits. Even formula one drivers crash (albeit sometimes on purpose) and so there’s no shame to this. In fact, if you don’t crash occasionally, it shows that you’re not trying hard enough.
Drive to the speed that you’re comfortable with. This won’t be very exciting so drive a bit quicker. You should feel your pulse getting a bit higher now. You may have a dry mouth and sweaty palms. This is a good sign. Now all you need to do is drive just a bit faster and brake just a little later. After all, it was Mario Andretti who said, “If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” Talking of control….
It’s OK, you got this
The back of the car steps out and it’s awesome, you catch it like a hero to show you can, so now you have a choice. Do you rescue the situation by backing out a little bit risking both your BTG time and ending up on YouTube as some loser who looks like he wasn’t in control, or do you keep your foot in and drive straight into the barrier? The choice is yours.
Modify your car
Option here includes pumping up your tyres on your Alfa 75 to 40 psi to save fuel to the track and then not reducing them when you get there. Thinking that because your 500 bhp Impreza was OK doing the school run it will last the weekend at the Nürburgring. Also turning up with a support van to change your road wheels to track wheels is a surprisingly effective way of ending up on a low loader. One badly owned 6 series that did this had multiple accidents one weekend.
Fit a dashcam
Your prowess is unmatched. That the world hasn’t recognised your driving skills by now is just down to your terrible luck and a loss to mankind, so, for everyone else’s benefit, you are going to rectify this and film your lap. Obviously, you can’t put a boring YouTube video up so ideally it will show your wonderful, modified car overtaking that losers Volvo and pushing the limits, but it’s OK, you got this… Join the discussion on the Forum #JamesGirp